Widen Your Perspective, Life Coaching
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Life Coaching perspectives

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A limited Perspective Is 100% the Cause of Conflicts and Emotional Suffering.

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Do you control your emotions? No, like really, do you?
Do you have control over how you feel about a situation? What about how you may feel towards a person's reaction, behavior or life choices?

For instance…can you just wake up in the morning and think "I'm going to go into work today and unconditionally love my boss regardless of how much hell he gives me?" Can you say to yourself "I'm not going to feel irritated when I catch my employees fucking off on the job?" What about" I will not allow myself to feel disrespected when I'm cursed out by the homeless guy who resides across town because I refuse to give him change for a breakfast burrito." How about saying to yourself "No matter how much I may want to punch my cheap ass neighbor in the face for not returning the stuff he borrowed over three months ago, I will make all of my emotional feelings disappear when I walk over to his house and ask for my things back."

What about that person who keeps hitting on your significant other and would probably sleep with him/her at the drop of a dime? Could you ignore that?! Finally, how about that "love seeking friend" or family member who continually makes bad choices in choosing the right mate. This person will call you every-single-time while holding you hostage over the phone, to cry, moan and complain about how they are emotionally hurt after you've warned him /her over and over! Feeling irritated yet? 

Do we have control over what we feel? Many of us do have the discipline to resist acting out on what they feel. (OR: reacting to our feelings.)  But can feelings be prevented from occurring? That is the question. Why do we feel? Have you ever heard of this thing called culture? Sure you have! However, did you know that due to "It", we are UNKNOWINGLY at an emotional war with ourselves every-single-day? Ask yourself this "How many emotional triggers do I have per day?"  Triggers that lead to irritation, fear, nervousness, joy, hate, etc.

You see, our culture (the surrounding and environment you were raised under) has embedded, in us, a value and belief system. Those values and beliefs differ from those who are part of a totally different culture (race, nationality, social status, economic status, political views, religion, region/location…etc.). How often do you hear the phrase "He should have known better!"  "That was a stupid decision!"  "What on earth was she thinking?!" "Dear Lord! Look at those shoes!" and so on?

The people who think in this manner are emotionally triggered by situations that clash with a value and belief system that was taught to them by their own culture. This system is perceived as a "norm" (A "normal" process or a "normal" way of doing things.)  So the question is, "what is normal?" Someone, while growing up, who has experienced only one style of rules, values, beliefs, and behaviors all the way through to adulthood would consider this to be a normal function. But, that's a type of normal that is tailored to them! Normal is not a one size fits all as many tend to think! 

Everyone has been taught a set of values, beliefs, and behaviors. What many do not realize is, YOUR "normal" may not be the same as MY "normal."  YOUR "right or wrong" may not be the same as MY "right or wrong." This is based on the uniqueness of our cultures. Thus, we have a "culture clash" within our society. Various cultures are creating friction towards the other due to a lack of understanding and display of respect for a person's uniqueness.  As individuals, we are unique based on where we are from and what we've learned and experienced in life.

Due to our unwillingness to connect, accept and learn from our fellow human beings, are important reasons for why we feel the way we do about certain situations and people. We identify a "difference" with reasons that violate what we consider "normal". Our culture and individualized "normal"!

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You see, there's no similarity between unique and different. We, unknowing, choose to identify a difference because it conflicts with our internal belief system. The words, ‘ME", "SELF" and "I" is jam-packed with unique information that's VALUED and GUARDED  with a sense of passion like no other known force!  Those who are programmed to think in the context of "ME", "SELF" or "I", will often think like this:

  • "Why is this happening to me?"

  • "I would never disrespect myself like that!"

  • "I would never do that what he did!" 

  • "I don't think that's a smart decision, myself!"

It's funny how we respond to things when we hold our values, beliefs, and norms as the "reign supreme"! 

When it comes to solving conflicts, some will say, "we will just have to learn to work through our differences." "We either need to talk it out or agree to disagree." "Just ignore those who show ignorance, stupidity, ugliness….and smile." WTF?! This frame of thought is only placing a Band-Aid over a problem that needs surgical repair!  

The words "unique" and "different" are not in the same league!  When using them, we often place them in the same context as though they are interchangeable. These words have totally different meanings. The word unique means that someone or something is special in her/his/its own way. There is no good or bad, wrong or right, beautiful or ugly. There is no such thing as a difference. It's one that has a distinct characteristic of its own. 
Whereas the term different is used to describe how someone or something is opposite of a particular norm, value or belief.  For example:

  • Shape 

  • Style 

  • Character 

  • Behavior 

  • Skin color

  • Origin 

  • Gender 

  • Opinions 

  • Perspective

  • Beliefs 

  • Values 

  • Religion 

  • Political stance

Do you realize anything? All of these words are emotional triggers. They mean one heck of a lot to a variety of people. But, everyone will not share the same ideas towards them. Typically, Instead of accepting, learning and understanding, we take a self-centered stance and begin judging due to our instinct to identify a difference in a people or situations. Once that process is complete, the judging and placing labels begin. Again, we label what we perceive to be different. For example:

  • Fat ass

  • Stupid ass

  • Ugly ass

  • Dumb ass

  • Broke ass 

  • Stupid ass

  • Lazy ass

  • Crazy ass

  • Hoarding ass

  • Nasty ass

  • Stubborn ass

  • Selfish ass

  • Punk ass…..

Feel free to include as many demoralizing curse words and phrases you can think of. Oh, and let's not forget to mention the pointless protesting, the rioting, the fighting, the vandalizing and the politicking...etc. 

To sum it all up, your problem is you! How you perceive the world, yourself, others and situations, has nothing to do with the any of the elements that exist outside of yourself. Surface level or limited perception is the reason for ALMOST all emotional struggling or suffering.  Some examples are:

  • Continuous Fear

  • Continuous Anger

  • Continuous Frustration

  • Continuous Irritation 

  • Disappointment 

  • Lack of confidence 

  • Pride

  • Greed

  • Cruelty

  • Hate

Can we control how we feel? If so, can what we feel be combated or dealt with?" My answer is "yes" to both questions.

First, we have to gain knowledge and acceptance of what exists outside of our personal beliefs and understand and embrace the idea of uniqueness instead of difference. However, the most valuable enhancement technique of all is to dig deep beneath the surface of yourself, gain a true understanding of who you truly are and get rid of the "face" that you've been, unknowingly, wearing your whole life. This is the ground work needed to "Widen Your Perspective". By widening your perspective, you'll gain a healthy outlook that will enable you to:

  • Experience mental and emotional clarity

  • Inner peace

  • TRUE respect and understanding

  • No longer having to simply cope or deal with your inner struggles

  • Understanding what matters and what does not

  • Understanding that many of your values and beliefs are the things that have been contributing to your conflicts and emotional issues

Thankyou for taking time to read!

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